Will I Always Feel This Way
by scatterthestars
Summary: Sometimes being with the person you love is worth keeping it a secret. Crisscolfer


**A/N: The title of this story comes from the Ray LaMontagne song Empty. Please don't send this to the actors. Thank you.**

The field is filled with wild, green grass coming up to Chris' mid-thigh and Darren's hip as they walk through it. It glides over skin and jeans as Darren walks by, the grass beneath his feet lying flat to the ground as he steps on it.

He watches as Chris, a few steps in front of him, holds his hand palm down and the tops of grass brush over skin and through fingers. The green of the grass more prominent against his pale skin as fingers graze over it.

The sun is disappearing behind gray clouds, there are a few rays of sunshine breaking through the clouds and spilling across the field, brightening certain areas of grass with yellow light. Darren breathes in a lungful of air, and can smell the rain that will be pouring down around them in no time; the breeze also cool on his skin and ruffling his curls as it blows through them.

Ahead of him Chris smiles over his shoulder, it's the smile that makes Darren's heart stop and wonder how lucky he ever got to find the person meant for him.

He stays the few steps behind just watching Chris' enjoyment at being in a place where they can be themselves without the world looking in and wondering.

Darren loves when they can be like this, happy and together without any worries of being caught. Loves that they can shut-out the outside world for a few hours and not have to worry about playing a part when the cameras are no longer on but people still watch them.

Picking a wild flower, Darren walks up to Chris and gives it to him and clasps their hands together –Chris' skin warm and smooth against his. He watches out of the corner of his eye as Chris' brings the flower up to his nose and smells, the corner of his mouth turning up in a smile.

They walk for a few feet like that, fingers interlaced and quiet in their own thoughts, when rain starts to fall down and soak them. Thinking Chris will be mad, he turns and is surprised to find him with his arm stretched above his head, hand opening and the flower falling back to Earth. His head is thrown back; eyes closed and mouth open, catching rain drops on his tongue. Darren laughs at the sight and copies him; the coolness of the rain noticeable as it lands on his tongue and slides down his throat.

When he looks back to Chris, he is smiling at him; his clothes soaked and hair clinging to his forehead –hand coming up to push it out of his eyes. As Chris runs his tongue along his lips to lick the water droplets off, Darren knows he is the only person to see Chris free like this, and truly happy.

He closes the few inches between them and kisses Chris, both their lips wet and tasting of the rain; their lips glide easy over the others. Darren's hand rest on the side of Chris' face and his thumb strokes over cheek, and when he licks into Chris' mouth the taste of rain is much more noticeable and it makes his head spin. Chris moans into his mouth and Darren wants to lie him down right then and there but fights the urge.

He rests their foreheads together, waits for his breath to come back and gains his composure.

"We should probably get out of the rain."

"Okay," Chris says breathlessly. "How 'bout that giant oak tree over there?"

Darren looks to the tree he is talking about and grabs Chris' hand in his again and they run for the shelter of the tree.

Underneath the oak tree they are protected from the rain by branches covered in leaves –although a few drops still fall on them. Sitting against the trunk, roughness of the bark barely noticeable against his back, Darren soon has Chris sitting between his bent legs and lying back against him. He wraps his arms around Chris' waist and rests his hands on the damp shirt covering the stomach he loves kissing. Chris rest one hand on top of the one of the knees Darren has bent and he links the other with the hand resting on his stomach; Darren feels him lay his head against his shoulder and turn to kiss his neck right below his jaw.

He turns his head and kisses Chris' temple, lips tasting salty skin from sweat and rain.

"Can we stay like this forever and never go back to the real world?" Chris asks, acknowledging what little time they have here and what they have to go back to being.

Darren wishes he could give him forever here, give him the happiness he deserves all the time when the world watches them, and let their secret be known, but they know it's better this way and here is all they have for right now.

Darren wraps his arms tighter around Chris and holds him close, "One day I will be able to give you forever, but right now let us enjoy this moment alone we have together."

They stay like that, watch the rain fall and fill the air with a distinct smell Darren can't place; he can feel their time together here winding down, and wanting to stop time altogether and stay in this moment forever like Chris mentioned.

With the rain still falling through the clouds and leaves twenty minutes later they stand up and walk out from underneath the shade of the tree and start to walk to his car. Stopping in the middle of the field Darren turns to Chris, "Look at me."

Blue-green eyes find his and he sees the light he saw there earlier disappearing and knowing the reason behind it, leaning down he kisses lips still tasting of the rain. Chris opens his mouth and Darren massages their tongues together and hearing a whimper escape Chris' throat.

"Please," Darren feels said against his mouth, and knowing what Chris is wanting.

"Okay," he answers him. Taking Chris hand they walk to the car, moving at a normal pace and no rush to get there –wanting to draw out their time alone as long as possible.

In the back of the car Chris is straddling Darren's lap with his hands linked around his neck, both of them hard and desperate for the other, not caring that they are getting the back seat wet.

Darren looks up at Chris above him and seeing the shadows of rain drops collecting on the windows outside dance across his face. He pulls him down in a kiss and rocks his hips up, Chris opening his mouth and moaning, then rolling his hips down to meet him. Darren grabs at his hips and they set up a rhythm and draw it out for as long as they can.

When it becomes too much for both of them they begin to move their hips faster but still needing more.

Chris pulls back and stares at him, "You should lie down."

Darren lies on his back and feels Chris' weight when he lies on top of him and between his legs. One of his legs is wrapped around Chris' waist and the other is falling off the side of the seat planting into the floor of the car. He lifts his hips and meets Chris when he rolls his hips down on top of him, his hands at Chris' lower back and pushing him down.

A few thrust of Chris' hips later and Darren is throwing his head back, vision filled with the rain still falling outside the car, and warmth spreads through his jeans. Chris rolls his hips faster for a few more seconds and then collapses on top of him breathing heavy.

Waiting for their hearts to calm and their breathing to even out, Darren turns and lies on his side and Chris does the same, curling into him. He feels Chris tuck his head under his chin and bury his face into his neck; hand going underneath the shirt and feeling damp, hot skin. He runs his fingers up and down Chris' spine and notices the shivers that go through his body "Are you cold?"

"No, just…that feels good."

For ten minutes they are happy, safe and warm in the others embrace.

"We have to leave soon." Darren says, ending their moment of peace.

"I know." Chris turns around so his back is to Darren's chest and silence fills the car for the next five minutes, the only noise coming from the rain hitting the window.

"I'm sorry it has to be like this," Darren whispers into his ear.

"It's the safest and easiest way for us to be together," Chris says while turning back to him. "I hate it having to be like this but I live for the moments when I'm alone with you."

"Me too," he tells him as he runs a thumb above Chris' eyebrow. "Those moments are not every night; but one day it will be and I look forward to that day."

Darren sees Chris smile at that thought and leans down to kiss him. Chris looks at him with a spark of life back in his eyes, "I love you, and I will never tire of telling you that."

"I love you, too." Chris responds and closes his eyes. "Can we stay here a while longer?"

"Yes."

* * *

Blinking his eyes open and realizing it's much later out, he notices that the car is parked in front of his apartment building and Chris is gone. He is back to having to be single Darren Criss with rumors of him dating someone that isn't Chris and waits for their next moment alone.


End file.
